A&U Magazine - Latest Comments

Re: Confronting Body Image as a Gay Man Living with HIV

Evan X — Sat, 21 Mar 2020 16:47:44 -0000

It seems we all want what we don't have. At 6 ft and 205 lbs, I've spent decades trying to rid myself of a slender build, and become more of a beefy bear-type. After being diagnosed with AIDS in the 80s, my doctor started giving me steroid shots to combat 'wasting syndrome'. I already was a regular at my gym, but suddenly began to gain weight, and see veins on my arms. I was elated! I was becoming like the men I was attracted to. I've never been impressed by lean bodies with abs. To me, they seem too effeminate. Show me a beefy man with some thickness to his body, even a thick waist, and I'll follow him like a puppy. In my mind, the ideal man is taller and heavier than me, but at this late age, I'm lucky if anyone even makes eye contact.
@Activist_4_AIDS

Re: Get Rid of the Term “AIDS”?

Evan X — Fri, 20 Mar 2020 09:23:41 -0000

Mr. Aguilar's narrative of what life was like for us long-term AIDS survivor's brought back a flood of memories for me. Though I didn't live in the Bay Area, I was disowned by my family who were all strict Mormons. I was already an outcast in my home town for being gay.
I remember being told I had AIDS by a doctor in the 80s; but not completely sure what that disease was about. Since that day, I've never been afraid to use the word 'AIDS'. In fact, according to my CD4 count today, I would still be diagnosed as AIDS, despite being undetectable. There is no shame in having AIDS, no more than someone today finding out they have Covid-19. The AIDS pandemic was a very real, very dark chapter in our nation's history. We won't let it be erased.

Re: A Reflection at Journey’s End

Paul Aguilar — Mon, 17 Feb 2020 15:51:08 -0000

Harry, my friend, while what you say so beautifully here may be so... you'll always be that award winning rose 🌹 in my eyes, no matter how brown you feel your petals have become!

Re: Doctors Without Borders Warns: “No Time to Lose” in Fighting AIDS

Shaban Hajdari — Fri, 17 Jan 2020 07:20:45 -0000

No time to lose sounds about right. There has been a resurgence of aids in european countries aswell, not just africa and asia.

https://aab-edu.net/

Re: Am I a Faggot?

Fagget Terry — Thu, 16 Jan 2020 18:59:15 -0000

Hi I'am Fagget Terry

Re: The Scream of the Phoenix: Nonfiction by Jesús Guillén

Leslie Handler — Thu, 17 Oct 2019 00:57:05 -0000

Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing.
Leslie (Brian's siste)

Re: The Scream of the Phoenix: Nonfiction by Jesús Guillén

Jesus Heberto Guillen Solis — Thu, 03 Oct 2019 21:28:45 -0000

I want to thank Chael Needle for the love and suport, We're in this together. If anyone wants to talk about this article or have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me. LOVE.

Re: Do We Want to Stop HIV?

Mark J — Thu, 03 Oct 2019 02:35:42 -0000

I have to agree; if we want a world free of HIV we have to continue to demand it; that's how the system knows there's a problem that needs to be addressed. And there's a HUGE amount of education to be done; many health professionals outside the HIV world haven't heard of U equals U or PrEP, and the general population tends to be either totally ignorant of it or have only minimal knowledge.
Our work is ongoing.

Re: Paco León: Advocate

Jesus Heberto Guillen Solis — Thu, 03 Oct 2019 02:31:40 -0000

AH!!! Paco Leon, me fascinas, besos y abrazos desde San Francisco. Soy el fundador del grupo de sobrevivientes del VIH nas grande del mundo. HIV LONG TERM SURVIVORS group. LOVE.

Re: Do We Want to Stop HIV?

Jesus Heberto Guillen Solis — Thu, 03 Oct 2019 02:29:52 -0000

Jesus, let's talk. We have to keep asking questions, speak up, and don't be afraid to think out of the box. LOVE from the HIV LONG TERM SURVIVORS group and I.

Re: TAG’s Pipeline Report

Escobar Moses — Thu, 26 Sep 2019 02:42:24 -0000

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Re: Walt Odets: Advocate & Writer

John-Manuel Andriote — Mon, 16 Sep 2019 21:17:28 -0000

Excellent interview by a thoughtful Hank Trout with a deeply insightful Walt Odets. I interviewed Walt back when I was still HIV-negative, around 1995, for my own AIDS history VICTORY DEFERRED. I had felt very validated by his then-new book IN THE SHADOW OF THE EPIDEMIC, the first-ever affirmation of HIV-negative gay men’s trauma. We weren’t infected but we were certainly affected by seeing our friends, lovers, gym buddies, and neighbors dying terribly and quickly.

More recently, I read Walt’s new book OUT OF THE SHADOWS, and reviewed it for the Gay & Lesbian Review. As with his earlier book, I found a great deal of validation—and healing. I was particularly struck by Walt’s comment to a therapy client about his survivor guilt: “I’m sure we’re not going to fix it. But our talking might allow the beginning of a change in how you experience it.” Walt tells him it’s not about forgetting his dead partner. “It’s something more like integrating Harry’s death—all the deaths—into your emotional life in a way that they don’t dictate your life.”

I have heard so many times that “older gay men” (i.e., those of us who lived through those dark pre-combination treatment years) “don’t want to talk about HIV/AIDS.” There’s so much PTSD. But not talking about it won’t make the painful memories go away. As Walt puts it—so healingly—it’s possible to incorporate our experiences into our emotional lives without letting the pain and sorrow dictate our lives.

Re: Do We Want to Stop HIV?

Evan X — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 23:18:49 -0000

There are thousands of newly diagnosed HIV and AIDS infections each week, and people still die from AIDS-related illnesses, especially us long-term-survivors.
The epidemic is NOT over until there's a CURE!

Re: Chandi Moore: Cover Story

Gerald Banks — Thu, 12 Sep 2019 21:37:43 -0000

Beautiful. A wonderful person from an awesome family.

Re: Just*in Time: Dating Sites & Living with HIV

Richard Messina — Mon, 12 Aug 2019 12:46:52 -0000

Hi, Evan. Yes. Me, too. Dx 1988. Agree completely.

Re: Am I a Faggot?

Rosicrucian Master — Thu, 13 Jun 2019 00:01:33 -0000

lol am i a faggot...ugh , yeah u iz.

Re: Denny Tedesco: Advocate

Stu Miller — Fri, 10 May 2019 22:16:49 -0000

Nice...Denny's a good guy ..

Re: Final Results of the PARTNER2 Study Confirm: U=U

Evan X — Sat, 04 May 2019 00:37:39 -0000

I was half of a serodiscordant gay male couple for 20 years. I've had AIDS for 30 years, but my partner's HIV-neg status never changed. I lost him to heart disease a few years before gay marriage became legal. 💔

Re: blu sunne: Blog by Lester Strong: Art, Activism, HIV/AIDS

Leo — Wed, 17 Apr 2019 17:00:23 -0000

They say HIV/AIDS has no cure but I stand to prove them wrong!!! My name is Leo from Republic of Congo. I have lived with HIV for so many years taking anti-retroviral drugs to subside the virus, to a point I was short of money buying the drugs. But not long ago I read about Iyabiye’s medication online, I decided to try him to see if what I read was true and behold it was all true. He administered his medication to me and after using it I became cured, I went to the hospital and I was tested negative meaning I am HIV free, no more worries and no more spending unnecessarily again. Contact him if you are interested: yabiyehealinghome@gmail.com or Call/Whatsapp: +2348072229413

Re: Mapplethorpe: Review

Werther deGoethe — Sat, 09 Mar 2019 19:27:16 -0000

I appreciate the movie's commitment to showing how unpleasant a person he was--knowingly having unprotected sex while having the virus--but to what end? In this movie, AIDS is portrayed an inconvenience of occasional vomiting and then dying a peaceful death in your own bed. There is no suffering, no struggle and it softens reality. The exact opposite of a Mapplethorpe photo.

Re: Just*in Time: On Circumcision

haweha — Mon, 18 Feb 2019 08:15:36 -0000

>>>2011 California passed a law protecting circumcision from local efforts to ban circumcisions<<<
Are you serious? Female circumcision is already illegalized in the USA (only since 1996 btw)

Re: Just*in Time: Dating Sites & Living with HIV

Evan X — Fri, 15 Feb 2019 08:17:18 -0000

I'm near my 30th anniversary of living with HIV/AIDS. Diagnosis & treatment have changed so dramatically from the days when there was no hope; to now when the issue is cost of PrEP, & U=U. Stigma & discrimination have remained constant, especially from the gay community itself. _ Long-term survivors like me are excluded & ignored by other gay men. We're still lepers as far as they're concerned. Stigma is worse than ever among the gay community. Most us retreat into isolation unless we can find another long-term survivor. Erasing stigma in America needs to begin with the GAY COMMUNITIES‼️

Re: Danez Smith: Cover Story

Matt Christiansen — Wed, 06 Feb 2019 06:18:00 -0000

Death of the multi- universe

Re: Facing Mortality Head-On

Tim Barrus — Thu, 20 Dec 2018 16:53:26 -0000

Love this piece. Thanks, Hank. I respect your courage to write what is the forbidden city. The taboo around asking the question -- IS IT WORTH IT -- must still be asked even if (maybe especially if) jumping off jump off rock comes with how many vehicles of stigma are we condemned to have to endure or become Thelma and Louise.

For other people.

I, too, have arrived at many of the same conclusions you have. They are inescapable.

I'm sure I am going to hell anyway, how can that be any different from this.

I'm tired of being lied to by a medical community that has a punitive mean streak. I'm tired of declaring bankruptcy. I'm tired of having to decide: pills or food. I'm tired of Good Will clothes that stink like someone's old decrepit cigars. I'm tired of being evicted because I cannot pay the rent. I'm tired of being told my pain cannot be treated because Cigna refuses to pay for it. I'm tired of filthy hospital rooms. I'm tired of no sleep. I'm tired of being told my anger is not warranted. I'm tired of losing everyone I loved. I'm tired of living in a democracy that is, in fact, one big concentration camp. Just put the tattoo on my forehead. I'm tired of being hungry. I am tired of eating out of dumpsters.

I'm tired of a community that, in fact, thinks AIDS is over.

But. I. Tune. It. O-u-t.

I can still write. I can still use a camera.

I can still love. They can make me eat shit. They can piss on my face. They can break all my bones (and have) and cast me out.

But I am still here. Exhausted. But I can still love, and they cannot take it away.

All my bones are dying from Avascular Necrosis. Prednisone, used to keep my lungs from filling up with liquid, can itself attack your bones, and you will break them.

I am tired of pneumonia after pneumonia.

Is it worth it. A RESOUNDING are you kidding me -- NO.

Change the locks before you take the pills.

Our bodies belong to us. We decide. We decide.

There is no such thing as a natural death. There is only death. We are all going to die. I want to be in charge of it.

Life is overrated. Pain will win. It always does. But I want to fuck it in the ass before I go. I want to burn the forbidden city with its stigmas and injunctions that civil society cannot speak of failure or death. I AM a failure, and I welcome death.

Nevertheless, I want some gasoline to burn the Forbidden City to the motherfucking ground.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to write about it.

Re: The AIDS Activist Project: Bill Bytsura

Jesus Heberto Guillen Solis — Wed, 19 Dec 2018 21:12:52 -0000

GREAT PROJECT!!!!! LOVE IT!! ART AND BRAINS!!! LOVE from the HIV LONG TERM SURVIVORS group and me.